The One You Could Never Have
by Tofyuu
Summary: She was the one you always loved, but could never have. Sadstuck, EriFef(one sided), SolFef


Your name is Eridan Ampora and you think that your best friend has the nicest smile in the world.

You're chasing after her around your backyard as fast as your short little six years old legs can take you, your loud bursts of breathless laughter matching her own delightful shrieks of joy. She turns around for a split second to glance at you, but that moment is just enough for you to lunge yourself at her to tackle her to the ground, reducing the both of you into a lump of helpless giggles.

To you, she's the most beautiful girl in the world. You love her as much as how long your arms can stretch, and the equivalent of how many stars there are in the sky(infinite, according to your all knowing father. Even if you didn't know what infinite meant, you bet it meant a lot!) You first met her barreling down the street on her pink bicycle yelling and screaming at the top of her lungs, scaring away the kids picking on you for your speech impediment. You'd just moved into the new neighbourhood, and the kids here weren't as understanding of your speech problems, apart from her of course! To be fair, even you were scared of her at first, with her messy chestnut waves bouncing all about the place, giving her a dishevelled look of utter frightfulness. But that silly fear was demolished the moment she grinned that big, wonderful grin, so full of hope and happiness that you swore no one in your life time would be able to match.

You guess that's about the time when you fell head over heels for your very best, and possibly only, friend, Feferi Peixes.

—

Your name is Eridan Ampora, and ten years have passed.

Everything has changed. The only thing that hasn't would be your undying love for Feferi. You're currently a sophomore in high school, with good grades and the president of the drama society. Your father has also changed ever since your mother passed away two years ago. He never showers you with love, whether you protested to it or not anymore, or smile at you or take you stargazing. He's grown distant, and despite your cool attitude towards him and his changes on the front, there's a gnawing desire deep down in your heart to have the father who cared and loved you back. Your brother isn't any better, having taken up smoking and all. You hardly ever see him around the house, and if you do, you avoid him at all costs. Your big house is feeling emptier and emptier as each day passes, and the warmth that once resided there two years ago is seeping away slowly.

So you do the only thing you know what to do. You hang onto Feferi, your only source of support and warmth, and cling to her every second of the day. She's been so kind and understanding of your circumstances, and she would always listen to you talk, complain and talk some more. You know that you're being overly clingy and needy of her, perhaps even to the extent of smothering her, but you can't help it. You can't let the only person who still cares for you leave you. You just can't. It doesn't help that a certain Sollux Captor has been hoarding most of Feferi's attention. He just waltzed into you and Feferi's life one stuffy summer night at one of Vriska's parties and you haven't been able to get rid of him since.

You hate the way he's able to get Feferi to smile and laugh, like how you used to do when you were kids. You hate how he knows all about Feferi, all her little quirks that make her special in a matter of months. You hate how he always knows what to say in a casual conversation, or what to say to coax a smile out of Feferi. You hate his smug yet confident grin. You hate how he has everything you've always wanted, and used to have. You hate how everyone seems to instantly like him. You hate how he's constantly surrounded by people who care and love him.

You hate how he's everything you once were to Feferi until two years ago.

You hate him.

—

Your name is still Eridan Ampora, and another six years have passed.

In this six years, you've grown so distant to almost everybody and you hardly ever smile anymore. Your once close friends have left you, and you suppose you only have yourself to blame. You were never the best friend, and never knew how to communicate your care for them properly. All of them took your signs of care the opposite way, resulting in them leaving you. The only one who's still here is Feferi, but you can tell that she's beginning to drift away too. But you're determined to set things right. You have the time, the place and the ring all set. You were going to propose to Feferi Peixes, and nothing was going to stop you.

—-

So much for not letting anything stop you. You haven't even spoken for more than four words before stammering like a stupid fool you are. You can't seem to form the words in your dry sandpapery like mouth. Feferi looks confused, slightly annoyed even. You close your eyes, and try to calm down. Suddenly, you hear Feferi gasp, and snap your eyes open. In front of you stands Sollux, his mouth forming the question you've been trying to ask for the last few minutes. His voice is fluid, strong, yet laced with slight fear. The next thing that Feferi does shatters your already broken heart into millions of pieces. She squeals in delight, and throws her arms around Sollux's neck, whispering the word you've always wanted to hear into his ear over and over again.

A wave of nausea washes over you instantly, and you bolt out of there as quickly as possible, a strong need of fresh air suddenly overwhelming you. You try and forget her delighted voice, her tanned arms hugging the man you despised so tightly, his disgustingly happy shit eating grin drawn across his face….

You finally somehow manage to crash outside the building, panting and gasping. Streaks of tears are running down your face as you bury your head in your hands and bend over to openly sob.

Your world seems to be crumbling under your very feet, and you don't have a single clue what to do.

For the first time, you feel like you're really, truly alone.

—

The wedding march is playing, and everyone is waiting in eager anticipation for the bride to appear. Sollux Captor stands in the front, tugging the collar of his jacket anxiously, and runs his hand through his once perfectly styled hair yet again. Kanaya huffs in annoyance when she sees this act, and Karkat swats at Sollux's arm to get him to stop fidgeting. You're sitting near the front, your eyes glassy, and hands tightening into fists on your lap as you watch the door of the church open and Feferi walk in.

She's wearing a strapless pure white dress that hugs her torso and shows off her curves. It flares out slightly at her hips for a moment before flowing onwards towards the floor with a slight train. Intricate patterns are sewn in sliver thread all over the gown, with lace lining the hems of the dress. Her hair is loose, waves of chestnut locks framing her heart shaped face and cascading down her back.

But despite all the wonderful details of her dress and hair, the only thing you're focusing on is her face. Her maroon eyes are shining with pure joy and happiness, with a spark you've never seen before in them, not even when you were children. There's a faint shade of pink dusted across her cheeks, and you can bet that it's because of her excitement, not because of the make up Kanaya helped apply on her. Her hands are gripping on her bouquet slightly tighter than need be, and although to everyone else her steps are elegant and measured, you can tell the uncertainty and nervousness hidden behind each step. You take these few minutes to savour the little things that right now, only you can notice. But soon, too soon, Feferi's being handed off to Sollux by your own father due to her father's own early demise. He's always acted like her substitute father anyway, so it doesn't surprise anyone when he kisses her forehead before handing her to Sollux.

Vows are exchanged, lips are locked and obnoxious yet joyous cheering fill the church the moment the newly wed couple break apart, goofy grins mirroring each other's faces. Throughout this entire time, you just sit unmoving, staring only at Feferi and Sollux.

During the reception, Feferi manages to pull you aside.

The moment you're alone, she pulls you into a tight hug and says,"Oh Eridan…Thank you so much for being here! You don't know how much it means to me! I just thought, with your crazy rivalry with Sollux and all, that you might not even come! I'm so, so, so, happy Eridan!" Feferi swallows, her voice thick with emotion, before whispering, "I love you Eridan."

Upon hearing these words, you force a smile that you've perfected throughout the years and hug Feferi back equally tightly. Images flash through your mind of your childhood, of back when you were fourteen, when everything was all you could ever ask for, when you still could hold Feferi in his arms like now and most importantly, when you still had hope. Now, all you could do was hold the most precious girl in the world to you, yet could never have, as years of bottled up love for her pushed it's way to the surface. You close your eyes and try to savor this precious yet heart breaking moment as a single solitary tear made it's way down your cheek.

You know that her platonic love for you will never be the same as your burning desire to have her as your own forever.

"I love you too, Fef."


End file.
